“I Am the Mother of All These Parts of Me”
It was December 2017 when I first wrapped my mind around the idea of there being numerous parts of self.
I was sitting in the window seat of a Greyhound bus, listening to a Super Soul Sunday podcast with Oprah Winfrey and Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert.
In 'Your Life's Calling,' the first episode of a two-part conversation, Gilbert discussed what it means to be the hero of your journey; to brave fear on the road of trials, and to answer the phone when destiny calls. Most memorably, she gave a face to the rock bottom moment that led her to call a truce with her harshest critics: fear, anger, and shame.
"My head, like most of our heads, is a neighborhood you don't want to walk in alone in at night…" Gilbert said. "All my demons—all my monsters that I had been carrying around forever, the light came through, and I realized, 'Oh. They're not demons. They're not monsters. They're not dragons.’ I've been making them more grandiose than they are. They're just the orphaned parts of me. They're just the fearfullest, most young, terrified parts of me. They are scared to death, and they are throwing temper tantrums because of their fear, and now I have to tell them that it's going to be OK, and they will all go to sleep. I am the mother of all of these parts of me."
“I am the mother of all these parts of me.”
What a fucking lightbulb moment that was.
I think back to this podcast a lot. It’s become a pillar of sorts throughout my spiritual journey, particularly when I’m lacking perspective or having a hard time justifying compassion. It’s also helped me identify, compartmentalize and make sense of my different parts of self:
my shadow, higher self, inner child, ego, divine masculine and feminine. (I’ll reference these more as I blog. Also, I’m sure there are more needing to be discovered!)
The podcast made a world of a difference in helping me realize that within myself, we’re all on the same team. I don’t have to define myself by how I feel. Multiple dualities can exist within me, and I have the power to choose the energy I embrace and lean into.
Some of my past examples:
Part of me feels afraid right now, and I can attribute that to my shadow, who knows pain and darkness and wants to keep me safe. Simultaneously, my higher self and inner child are cheering me on bravely. Is my fear in this moment valid? Will it keep me safe, or am I choosing to lean into this very afraid, momentarily unreasonable part of me?
My inner child feels inadequate, but rather than lesson myself to Tori, the inadequate, I can reason with the part of me. “Little Tori, you are enough. You are worthy. I know you’ve been hurt in the past, and you’ve dreamed up these terrible scenarios, but you’re safe. I love you. It’s OK. It’s going to be OK.”
If this all sounds crazy, listen to the podcast.